Monday, July 25, 2016

Hard times...why doesn't anyone talk about it?

I'm just going to come out and be real, I am currently experiencing one of the hardest times in my life. Most of us do NOT TALK ABOUT THIS and post away on social media like everything in our lives are perfect, and we are happy as can be with the way things are going.

I am one of them. I too fall into the trap of posting the BEST pictures with the best angles, and the most FUN parts of my day. Partly, believe that there has to be positivity and HOPE in the world, and on social media.

But I also try my hardest to be authentic, as I have a lot people that follow my journey. Social media is a weird place because no one wants their drama being exposed to everyone, but at the same time, to go on as if everything is just perfect is inauthentic, leading you to feel worse off than before.

So here it is: This past year (and maybe even over a year) I have been STUCK. I was not feeling like myself, I was passing through the days sort of going through the motions and half-assing projects, not eating the way I knew I should be eating, and struggling to get up on some days. I have had health struggles, financial struggles (with student loan debt that would make you CRY), relationship struggles as well as anxiety and depression. THAT is real. I am NOT perfect. I do NOT have the perfect life. I (like so many of you), am going through times that frankly are HARD and I lay awake at night wondering how I got here as I sweat and toss and turn.

Life is not about perfection. It is about the journey to discovering YOURSELF, as completely and as authentically as possible. So I may be dealing with a boat load of CRAP right now, but one thing I know about myself? I want to HELP people, and THAT is why I am sharing this, in hopes that it will strike a cord with someone else that needs to hear it. I have found strength in helping others, and that in turn, demands that I work on myself.

I have found tools of my own that have helped me cope, lift myself up, and FREE myself from these feelings that I want to share with you. Even though I am still in the middle of my own struggle on a daily basis, my commitment is to reach out and find others that are suffering and need to be uplifted, as so many have already done for me.
So what are you going through? You or a family member are sick, relationships are suffering, maybe you're hurting, you are in financial crisis, or you lost your job or loved one. Your days are dark and heavy and you are feeling hopeless and unmotivated.

So what will you do in reaction of those hard times? Here are my 7 tips to overcoming trials (ps I am starting a free group on facebook that will dig further into these elements for anyone that wants to join, message me)

1. Set a time limit
You need to deal with your situation and the emotions you are feeling that surround it. However, dwelling on it for hours, days or months on end will not do much for you. Set a designated amount of time for which to grieve, FEEL, cry, scream or deal with the fundamentals of the situation. 
I set an alarm so I know my allotted amount of time to grieve is up, and when I hear that sound it means I'm done for that session. I must go on. You must go on. Because I am worth it. Because YOU are worth it. 2. Keep perspective There have been good times before. Remember those!! Remember that you have had strength and that power and you WILL have it again. Do not forget gratitude. Every morning, force yourself to write down 3 things that you are grateful for. Even if they are small things like the fact you have a roof over your head, food on the table and the sun is shining that day. Each day observe 3 new things and make them stronger and stronger. As a recovering pessimist, I can attest to the power of positive thinking. When you spend your days thinking negatively or saying "I can't" or constantly worrying about your situation, that situation will get worse. When things used to go wrong in my life, I would make excuses as to why I could not do the things I should or had goaled myself to do. Having changed my mindset, I realized that as soon as you start training your brain to notice the beauty around you, and to be grateful, things begin to get brighter. 3. Take action You feel out of sorts and your normal task seems so daunting. Just getting out of bed at a decent hour seems like the biggest task. I GET IT. But the more you allow yourself to fall into this trap, the longer you will remain there. So take action and set 3 goals for your day. Depending on the day, maybe the goals will be to get up and shower, go to the grocery store and eat a meal. The next it may be a bit more ambitious. As each day passes you it will get easier and these action will propel you forward. I can't tell you how important it is to take action right away to keep yourself moving forward. The action will ignite you, keep you feeling accomplished and release happiness into your brain. 4. Ask yourself "What should I be learning?" You could ask yourself "why is this happening to me?" "Why does everything bad happen to me?" "Why is the world against me?" 


You can learn from it. Everything in life has a lesson that you can learn from if you actively look for it. Be open and grow from it! 5. Re-Focus 

Focus not on your fear of the unknown and what is happening NOW, but instead focus on what could go RIGHT. When we accept that we all must endure times of difficulty we realize that this is a necessary part of life. In his book "Breakout", Joel osteen talks about getting ready for a tidal wave. Whatever you believe in (God, higher power or a source energy) is moving things out of your way to make room for something even greater, something beyond what you could have even fathomed. Though it doesn't seem that way right now, if you have unshakable faith and belief, the right people, opportunities and clarities will come to you. So re-focus. Focus on what will come, what doors will be opened for you and bask in the beauty that is the future. 6. Act like you don't feel It is easy to get sucked into the feeling sorry for ourselves mode. When we do, we exude negativity everywhere. It shows up in our posture, our conversations, the way we move, our faces and then it begins to manifest and transfer into the reality of our lives. I believe that I used to manifest all the negative things that happened in my life. My endless negativity, fear, excuses and complaints resulted in exactly what I was worried about. My career didn't take off the way I had hoped, friendships and relationships suffered because I didn't add value to their lives and was constantly insecure, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I was overweight and felt unattractive and useless. I now OWN that I manifested those things myself with negativity. NOW, with complete transformation of my thoughts, I'm becoming clear about what I want and the things I need to do to get there and my life is manifesting in a different, positive, fulfilling direction. So if you're fearful, or hurting or anxious or worried, get UP and walk out of your house with you shoulders back, your head high and a smile on your face. When you start with your exterior and walk with confidence, you begin to change your thoughts. When we change our thoughts then what we project manifests itself into our reality and becomes our truth. And that brings me to 7. Know your "Why" Be honest with yourself for a second. Have you ever really thought about what you want out of life. I mean really and truly sat and thought in detail about what your ideal day would look like. Where you would live, who you would surround yourself with, what you would do with your time, how much money you would have, what your family would look like etc.
A while ago I spent around 7-8 hours thinking, visualizing and writing down my "why", and what I wanted for my life. It is so clear that I can see, feel, smell and project myself into that life. Because I became so clear, it started happening. The clarity allowed me to make changes that needed to be made. Some were inspiring and positive and others, are hard as hell, but there was no going back or stopping me once I was that specific.

So what is YOUR "why"? I challenge you to sit and think and find your purpose. Declare it out loud with everything you have in you. Your purpose must be so exciting and so inspiring to you that NOTHING will prevent you from fulfilling that. When you visualize your goals and write them down it WILL begin to happen and when you are in times a trial, you will be able to focus on it, and never give up.
Want to work on these steps and have a group of people that you can turn to? If you are ready to start doing the work on YOU, I am ready to do it with you. Just reach out and message me to join my FREE group on facebook that will cover these steps and much more (or send me an email

1 comment:

  1. Nice blog

    For the Indian investor the fastest and most secure way to Permanent Residency in the United States (otherwise known as a “Green Card”) can be by investing in a project offered by an experienced Regional Center.

    EB-5 Visa Consultants in Delhi, USA Immigration Consultants in Mumbai, Law Firms in Gurgaon