Wednesday, May 27, 2015

My "just because" shoes

Today I went to the store and bought these shoes. 

Just because...I wanted new shoes. 

Just because...I'm celebrating my business. 

Just because...they are girly and cute and I wanted them.

9 months ago this wouldn't have been the case. Because of this little side thing I do, I can splurge once in a while. 

Just because...

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Friday, May 22, 2015

How I let my thoughts ruin, and then save my life....

Gosh. How far we come in life. Truly everything happens for a reason. I remember this month of May back in 2010. I had a complete hatred for myself. Lacking in self confidence, hated my body, was sick ALL THE TIME, felt I was good at NOTHING. On top of it, I was sick. I was in and out of chemotherapy treatments for ovarian cancer, and in COMPLETE denial. I hid everything as much as I possible could, and crept into a little hole of despair. One afternoon I remember looking in the mirror at myself for the the first time in a while. I really wouldn't allow myself to look very long back then. But this moment I did. I didn't understand how my life had reached this point. I didn't understand why it was so unfair and out to get me. I had an obsession with fast food and I blamed everything on the fact that I had depression, anxiety and cancer. It become a ridiculous crutch for which I used as an excuse for everything. It was the reason for my failures and the reasons I couldn't function as a normal adult. My mind was poisoned with negativity, self loathing and I hated the world and it seemed to hate me. It was an ultimate low and I had finally hit a rock bottom enough to make a change.

Have you ever heard of the compound effect? It is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. Our present reality is an outcome of the little, seemingly innocuous decisions that have added up to your current bank balance, waist line, business success, relationship status, etc."

This compound effect can change your life for the better or for the worst. The first half of my life I let the latter take over. But around this time in 2010 I began to change my thoughts. It was a SLOW SLOW SLOW process. You get to the point where you just cannot live a certain way any longer. You are forced to change or continue to disappoint yourself. It began with my physical appearance. I began to realize that I could not function at the weight I was at and I hated myself for it. But I slowly changed my thoughts to decide that I indeed was WORTH a change. That I COULD be that success story. And so I changed my thoughts.

I began to realize that WHAT I put in my body and what I did with it affected the way it functioned (DUH!). So I began to workout and slowly change my nutrition and I allowed myself to grow mentally to be disciplined enough to change.

But after all that I still disliked myself. I did not think I was enough. You see, I had always envisioned that I would do something GREAT. I was not near living up to that. I was still "a failed singer", and negativity surrounded my thoughts day after day. I remember slowly making decisions to knock it off. It took YEARS. I began to focus on that physical transformation. My cancer went in and out and ironically coming during times of deep negativity on my part. With cancer came the anxiety and depression. However, my weight was coming off, and I was for the first time, becoming consistent with diet and exercise. 

And i began to change. Slowly over YEARS I lost weight and suddenly I looked in the mirror and saw someone I could get on board with. In that SAME month I was pronounced in remission from Ovarian cancer. The SAME month that my thoughts about myself began to change. The same month that I began to see a glimpse of what I knew I could be.

It was still a long road. and it wasn't until I started coaching others on their goals that I began reading personal development. I read them every day. They have made me powerful, and I realized that I HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL MY THOUGHTS AND MY LIFE! I get to choose happiness. I get to choose LIFE or depression and anxiety. I had made the choice to let me life become what it had become. It was all on ME.

I am posting this workout video from this morning, it is called Friday FIght from Insanity Max 30. The workout is ridiculous, one of the hardest I've ever done. I did this workout this morning with very little sleep and a million things happening in my life that could have pulled me away. But the goal of the workout is to have your MIND take control over your body. When your body wants to stop, it is up to your mind to feed it life and tell it to keep going. You can see at the end of this video that my mind was fighting it. FIGHTING my body that wanted to quit. I realized today that this workout is a lot like my life. I got to choose my fate. It is not always easy, but I have to get up and push and CHOOSE success and happiness. 


Now I am powerful. My mind is full of love, and I see people as good and full of life. I see hope, and I feel alive. I am trying things I would never try before. I have proved to myself that I am capable of anything. This credit goes to me. I am finally standing up and claiming my self worth. I am standing up and claiming that I have VALUE, and I can choose my fate. I choose to not let anxiety effect me. I choose to be the best version of myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and be accepting of ME (though we always have more things to work on). The compound effect rewarded me greatly. Those little steps over time have saved my mind and my life. 

So change your mindset. Start small and see the fruitful rewards you can reap from loving yourself.

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